And it's April.
In four days, my mom turns 59. We celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary on the 5th and on the next day, the husband inches closer to 40. At this phase in life, time is something I have plenty of yet I'm losing it at a pace I cannot justify.
Today, I'm missing my mom and dad pretty bad. I don't think I've spent much time being with them even when I was with them. There was always school or they were working. But we lived together, ate dinner at the table every day and spent Sunday evenings as a family. I measured time by school year and every year seemed like a lot of time then. It felt like I owned forever. It felt like the dame old tree was old while I bounced in eternal youth. It felt like I was going to school my whole life and eating dinner together at home.
But the years never missed a minute and still caught up with me: it was time to leave home. My parents wished me well and sent me off with pride. I wasn't living with them but I was less than three hours away. There was the distance but it didn't really stop me from visiting and spending time with them as I liked. Physically, I was there for them whenever I sensed that they could use the company of an offspring.
Living at a different time zone now, I no longer have that privilege and it tugs at my heartstrings when I have all the hours in a day to deliberately think about it. I go back twice a year and stay on for 3 weeks. Time spent is of fine quality but it's not the same. I don't have that chance to care for them physically, look into their finer needs and create that space and energy as time catches up. How much time do we have? Maybe it's more for my wholesome being than theirs? Maybe I'm selfish.
It's about time I realise that the dame old tree is going to live on to see more generation of youths, disillusioned by the concept of time. Also, don't be deceived by tree years. It's like comparing human years to that of dogs. Against trees, we are dogs.
xx
In four days, my mom turns 59. We celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary on the 5th and on the next day, the husband inches closer to 40. At this phase in life, time is something I have plenty of yet I'm losing it at a pace I cannot justify.
Today, I'm missing my mom and dad pretty bad. I don't think I've spent much time being with them even when I was with them. There was always school or they were working. But we lived together, ate dinner at the table every day and spent Sunday evenings as a family. I measured time by school year and every year seemed like a lot of time then. It felt like I owned forever. It felt like the dame old tree was old while I bounced in eternal youth. It felt like I was going to school my whole life and eating dinner together at home.
But the years never missed a minute and still caught up with me: it was time to leave home. My parents wished me well and sent me off with pride. I wasn't living with them but I was less than three hours away. There was the distance but it didn't really stop me from visiting and spending time with them as I liked. Physically, I was there for them whenever I sensed that they could use the company of an offspring.
Living at a different time zone now, I no longer have that privilege and it tugs at my heartstrings when I have all the hours in a day to deliberately think about it. I go back twice a year and stay on for 3 weeks. Time spent is of fine quality but it's not the same. I don't have that chance to care for them physically, look into their finer needs and create that space and energy as time catches up. How much time do we have? Maybe it's more for my wholesome being than theirs? Maybe I'm selfish.
It's about time I realise that the dame old tree is going to live on to see more generation of youths, disillusioned by the concept of time. Also, don't be deceived by tree years. It's like comparing human years to that of dogs. Against trees, we are dogs.
xx
The older we get the more we realize about time. That is a good comparison with the tree, we have nothing on a tree. other than being able to chop it down haha
ReplyDeleteTrees may live long, but it takes them a long time to produce fruit. You can buy yours at the market! Happy anniversary, Jaya.
ReplyDelete