Skip to main content

Shit Happens

MAYBE it helps to appear confident and sure of yourself even if your mind is tangled up in a Cuban whore house sometimes. Or how else are you going to get away from being handcuffed and dragged shamefully into the security room when you've absent-mindedly walked out of a luxury boutique with a RM15,000 (about USD$ 5000) handbag on your arm, unpaid for! 


Silly me. It happened a couple of days ago at a Louis Vuitton boutique in town. I was with a friend, looking for a certain handbag (Oh, RC. I don't usually do this : stopping by to check out an obscenely-priced handbag because I still rather go on a whimsical holiday to the land of exotica which for me is Africa :p) Funny thing is when I walked out of the store, the well-dressed security officer, looked at us and the handbag, and let us go with a gay smile.

"Thank you, maam, and have a good evening," he said, holding the door open for us. Now, I hope his mind was also tangled up in a Cuban whore house because otherwise, how do you explain him? Did he really think that I'd just bought a RM15,000 handbag in a span of 15 minutes, too excited with my purchase that I didn't mind having two handbags on one arm ? Silly man. 


I didn't know they had condoms :p


Two steps out, I'd felt a little heavy on my left arm and then I saw it - the brown, limited edition calf-leather bag staring back at me. Of course, by this time, I was a musical box of WTF (I've searched the internet for a photo of the exact handbag but I can't find it. Sorry about that but the search resulted in these expensive condoms :) If she's worth that much or more, you might as well have her child I say) All I did next was to run back into the store, apologize profusely and return the good. The team, and the assistant who had attended to me earlier, just seemed too shocked to react or say anything at all but really, what could they have said to me. Shit happens. 


Now. A Cuban whore house. What is it like there ? I've heard stories. 



Comments

  1. OMG!! Bravo babes...i mean u could have totally walked away with it...i know a lot of people would have!

    A Cuban whore house? Sounds exotic...i'm sure Isabel Allende described it in one of her books...or maybe i'm just dreaming too :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. i couldnt have done that, Saby. can you imagine them catching me with it ? i was at the Gardens.
    i feel like going to Cuba now. a colleague just came back from there and she had nice stories about the place. but let me brush up with my salsa first !
    when is your next indian trip ? let me know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully sooner than later :p

      Delete
  3. This post really made me laugh Jaya because I know I've found myself in similar situations because my mind was too preoccupied to realise so I can seriously empathise with you. It never was with anything so expensive by the way haha! But yeah there's a lot of goodness in you to not continue walking away with the bag like Sabrina pointed out, so many people would have left with it after getting past security and everything.

    I have no idea what a Cuban whore house would be like either, but something makes me think it would be a little more up market than a whore house in neighbouring Haiti so it wouldn't be the worst place in the world!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. really ? you think it would have been more upmarket, Matthew ?
      :) i dont know.
      i wasnt really thinking about a whorehouse in the literal sense though. just that i had some things going on in the head :)

      Delete
  4. Say it ain't so. again: Say it ain't so. My goodness, you could've been in jail! Didn't I tell you you shouldn't spend so much time doing those Sex in the City things like a good.... girl? Didn't I? And you said you were different, and see what happens when you don't listen to the Blue Grumpster AKA your friend RC. Sigh. First you're telling me you used to smoke an now you can add to your list you used to inadvertently steal condom-matching bags that cost $5,000 (but are worth a dime or two). Well, at least you duly returned it and I didn't have to come and rescue you, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RC. i admit that i spent 15-mins doing a sex-in-the-city act. thats not a crime :p i'm still very much different. i returned the bag :)

      Delete
    2. No it isn't a crime. Do you know what is? Check out my arm.

      Delete
    3. hope your arm is in good shape and colour now ! dont mess with an indian princess, that should be your lesson from this ; )

      Delete
    4. It's in ok shape, but its pride and self-love are definitely gone with the wind. Am I allowed to do the same thing next time she makes a joke that dents my ego, I wonder.... :(

      Delete
    5. well, good to hear that, RC ;)
      NOOO. you are not allowed to do the exact same thing because that would be domestic violence.
      i dont believe in gender equality. lol.

      Delete
    6. Well, you know I never would ;) But, tell me, how's the weather & temperature over there? It's a bit cold over here but the sun is shining and, as you know, I always have a three-day weekend, meaning I'm a happy guy, it being only Sunday and all.... :D

      Delete
    7. i know you won't, of course.
      weather is excellent. still sunny and bright at 7pm. temperature is about 30deg. loving it and i'm just back from work, so it's all good.
      three-day weekend sounds good but really, i'd be a little too bored, if i am not out somewhere for 3 days.
      :p

      Delete
  5. Hahahah the store was probably just so surprised that they let you walk out of there that they didn't know what to say. Fail on their part. And, wtf condoms?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. of course, they should be ashamed :) fail.
      i should have checked with them if they sold condoms :p

      Delete
  6. Wow, walking out with a $5k LV handbag.....interesting :)


    Wow, cuban whorehouses.....interesting :)


    Wow, LV condoms.....interesting :)


    Wow... interesting :)


    :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it was all pretty interesting, Raj.
      :)

      Delete
    2. So whats the address of the store, Jaya? I might need an LV manbag very soon ;)

      Delete
  7. Wow what a little thief hahaha....but at least you were honest and went back, they need a new security guard..haha...sometimes our minds are just off in la la land and shit happens. Never knew there were such condoms, I agree take the child..haha...cuban whore house huh, let me know how that goes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. they need a new security team!
      i'm equally curious about that one, Pat - Cuban whorehouse.

      Delete
  8. Humiliation avoided – no doubt due to your sweet face. Just think what you could get away with if you were another sort of person. ;)

    I suggest you avoid the Cuban whorehouse, though...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. im thankful for that, Beth. really, i am.
      i'm curious though :)

      Delete
  9. I don't blame the security guard for letting you through, because you didn't have a guilty face. Not until you were outside and realised what you did, anyway. So why did he let you back in?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. there is no reason to not let me back in i suppose :)

      Delete
  10. You're a lovely person, Jaya. I know you would never run with the goods.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) just a thought. if i had, i would have a very expensive bag right now.

      Delete
    2. If I had an expensive bag, I would be afraid someone would steal it.

      Love,
      Janie

      Delete
  11. Haha. I went through a similar incident one or two times. I wonder if the LV condom means he'll be better in bed?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LV condom might just mean that he has a fuck load of money to waste. hahhaha.
      seriously. i dont even know if these condoms really exist by LV, Azra.

      Delete
  12. well done for taking it back...I'm sure karma will bring you a reward at some point.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, i'm trying to also gather some good karma at this point ! hope it works hehe

      Delete
  13. LV condoms... wow that I guess that takes the word 'money shot' to a whole new level....

    ReplyDelete
  14. well...thts the best thing to do...and u did it...nice thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome here !
      it wasnt an option :p

      Delete
  15. You could have gotten away with it, and so begins your life of crime. I found some money on a train once and handed it in to the conductor. He wanted me to take it because he said if he announced it on the tannoy there would be ten people claiming it was theres. Luckily the real owner was just behind me and claimed it, she could have been a faker though.Least you did a good thing, funny post as always.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. life of crime sounds interesting though ;) that's nice of you. hope she was the real owner.

      Delete
  16. The sad thing is, I bet we can start seeing condoms from other brand name companies too. Brilliant marketing strategy though, those things must be so cheap to get, yet with the brand name on it the value skyrockets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah. but i am not completely sure if LV even has these condoms.

      Delete
  17. LOL!!!! And they say there is no honour amongst Cubanses :P.

    With regard to the OEM-ity of the LV prophylactics, they seem as believable as LV seat upholstery adorning souped-up boom-boxed Naruto-decored Perodua Myvis.

    If it works it works, and whither the target audience.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'm glad that you LOL-ed, Hobbit.
      ;)

      Delete
  18. I don't think they use Louis Vuitton condoms in Cuban whore houses. I wonder why louis Vuitton decided to make condoms? What led them from posh luggage to that? And how much are they? I'd like to be lost in a Cuban whore house but I'm currently lost in the world of posh latex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think they're like $68 for 10 or 12..not too sure if they are even real.
      i used to sell condoms to raise funds for a HIV/AIDS charity. but they were cheap Durex. if i had come across these, hmm, i would've marketed them differently and raised a lot more !

      Delete
  19. The Cuban whorehouse I've been too are...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so now, every one is curious about it ;)

      Delete
  20. Wow, I could so have done that! But they should be grateful to you for doing the right thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's easy to be preoccupied with something ;)

      Delete
  21. LV should send u a thank you note ...demand for one or write a commentary ...i am sure this will make a better read compared to the shitty things some whore writes ..i mean how often do plp return a bag that will cost most then a pre-uni course ...adoi .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wonder who is this whore you're talking about. hahahaha.
      if i did a commentary on it, LV is gonna ring me up and some people are going to get into trouble. there's going to be a lot attention.
      i'll just leave it here la, methinks :) anyways, aunty Jaya would be around till June 25 :)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Healing With Essential Oils

OILS and I go a long way. My mom used a lot of oil on me, growing up. As a teenager, baby oil was my go-to daily face moisturiser. I didn't know then what I know now about synthetic oils but it worked for me. In my early 20s, I fell in love with pure essential oils. I was introduced to the world of Culpeper during work. Then, I was gifted a 50ml bottle of jojoba base oil with two precious bottles of 10ml rose and geranium essentials oils courtesy of Culpeper. I was set for life and I've never looked back ever since. 

Over the years, I have depended on and dwelled solely in beauty oils. Recently, I've started learning about healing through essential oils. It's been a huge eye-opener for me. Essential oils are just not skin deep, they're simply so much more than that. The potent substances extracted through steam distillation from various shrubs, flowers, roots, skin and seeds could have incredible healing powers when used with sensitivity, respect and knowledge. It i…

My Karma Kamet

CONSIDERING my big love for essential oils, I know meeting Karma Kamet (KK) was destiny. My first encounter with this Thai label of aromatherapy product is like a brief introduction to a friend's friend who'd later turn out to be someone you wake up next to quite regularly. I walked into a KK kiosk at a mall in Petaling Jaya about two years ago. Well, the products then were impressive - high grade essential oils, but the collection seemed pretty scarce with stupid price tags on them. So I didn't bother following up until a few days ago when I bumped into KK at its homeland, in its full range and glory! 
The KK oils are super awesome with a capital W. Like Wow. So spending time at the KK store in the Central World mall in Bangkok was a bliss. Not only are the products much cheaper there, the place is a total retreat too. On one side is the store where there are all kinds of products ranging from scented candles, perfume oil mist, pure essential oils, soaps, oil sprays, herba…

A Painful Lesson

BEING back in the pool has been great ! Found my rhythm again and I'm swimming like a dolphin although my friend Aida says I swim like a shark. I told her I won't bite as long as she doesn't throw herself like a whale onto my swimming lane. You know how annoying it is when inconsiderate, non-swimming creatures suddenly decide to 'float' in your swimming way knowing that you've been doing laps for the last 30 minutes ? If they are not blind, then they have to be socially spastic. Socially spastic like the man who doesn't swim at the Kelana Jaya pool. This man, with belly like a pot, wonders in the middle section of the 50m pool, and does nothing but floats or water-threads just when a swimmer is reaching that section of the pool. Two weeks ago, I was a victim of this water-buffalo. When I was just a meter away from him, he appeared on my lane, looking at me with that too-bad-its-my-pool-too look that I had to stop and swim around him. No apologies at all. Ho…